Dear Sister ——: Your case is upon my mind. I cannot forbear to commit to writing my convictions arrived at from that which I have seen in regard to you. I am satisfied that you are wandering in mist and darkness. You do not see things in the right light. You blind your eyes in regard to your own case by excusing yourself thus: I should not have done this or that if it had not been for certain influences of others which led me to that course of action. T19 91.1
Again, you are continually finding fault with circumstances, which is nothing less than finding fault with providences. You are continually casting about you for somebody or something to answer the place of the scapegoat upon which to lay the blame which has brought you in a position to feel and speak unworthy of a Christian. Instead of simply censuring yourself for your defects, you censure the circumstances and occasions which led you to develop the traits in your character which lie dormant or hid beneath the surface, unless something arises to cross the path of these evils, and disturb and arouse them to life and action. Then they appear in all their deformity and strength. T19 91.2
You deceive yourself with the idea that these evil things do not exist, until you are brought into positions which make you act and speak in a manner which reveals to all that these unamiable traits are present with you. You are not willing to see and confess that it is your carnal nature which has not yet been transformed and brought into subjection to Christ. You have not yet crucified self. For days and weeks you sometimes pass along without developing the spirit of evil which I have named impatience, and a dictatorial spirit to control your husband. Your loving to rule and to bring others to your ideas has nearly ruined yourself and him. You love to suggest, and to dictate others. You love to have them feel and see that you have the very best light, and are especially led of God. If they do not do this, you begin to surmise, become jealous, feel a spirit of unrest, are dissatisfied, and exceedingly unhappy. T19 91.3
Nothing arouses the evil traits in your character so readily as to dispute your wisdom and judgment in exercising your authority. Your strong, overbearing spirit, which has appeared to slumber, is roused to its fullest energy. Self then controls, and you are no more governed by candid reason and calm judgment than an insane person. Self in all its strength wrestles for the mastery, and it will take the firmest mind to hold you in restraint. After your fit of insanity has gone by, then you can bear to have your course questioned. But you stand ready to justify yourself under the cover of your being so sensitive; you feel so deeply; you suffer so much. I saw that all this will not excuse you in the sight of God. You mistake pride for sensitiveness. Self is prominent. When self is crucified, then this sensitiveness, or pride, will die; until then, you are not a Christian. To be a Christian is to be Christ-like, to possess humility, and a meek and quiet spirit that will bear contradiction without being enraged or becoming insane. If you could have the deceptive covering which is about you rent asunder, and you see yourself as God sees you, you would no longer seek to justify self, but would fall all broken upon Christ, the only one who can remove the defects in your character, and then bind you up. T19 92.1
E. G. W.
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