Love at home makes a fruitful worker—I beseech you [Bro. Stone] for Christ’s sake to put away this spirit of harshness and censure. You need to have a mother’s tender love. You need the Christ-love. Then you will not chide for every mistake; you will have something of the same patience toward these lambs of the flock that Christ has manifested toward you. Then God will accept your labors for others. When you faithfully bear the responsibilities in your own home, you will be better prepared to bear the responsibility of feeding the flock of God and especially of manifesting the Saviour’s tender care for the lambs of the flock. PCL 296.1
Will you both seek to bring the truth into the inner sanctuary of the soul? Will you, if brought into connection with your children, exercise that charity that suffereth long and is kind? Will you bring the same meekness and gentleness of Christ into your labors for the church? Will you guard your lips so as not to utter one word of faultfinding, but kindly instruct? No longer lay upon the foundation stone, wood, hay, and stubble, perishable material which will be burned, but lay thereon gold, silver, and precious stones that will be valuable for all time and enduring as eternity. PCL 296.2
You must love the Lord supremely. He cannot accept halfhearted service, work that is negligently performed. His curse is upon all those who do the work of God deceitfully or negligently. You have been on the losing side. You have not kept your lamp trimmed and burning. As you both now stand, you cannot indeed be a light to the world in good works.—Letter 23, 1890 (January 6) PCL 296.3
All parents should strive to make their families patterns of good works, perfect Christian households. But in a pre-eminent degree is this the duty of those who minister in sacred things, and to whom the people look for instruction and guidance. The ministers of Christ are to be examples to the flock. He who fails to direct wisely his own household, is not qualified to guide the church of God.—ST, November 10, 1881 PCL 296.4
Family first—Nothing can excuse the minister for neglecting the inner circle for the larger circle outside. The spiritual welfare of his family comes first. In the day of final reckoning, God will inquire what he did to win to Christ those whom he took the responsibility of bringing into the world. Great good done for others cannot cancel the debt that he owes to God to care for his own children. PCL 297.1
There should exist in the minister’s family a unity that will preach an effectual sermon on practical godliness. As the minister and his wife faithfully do their duty in the home, restraining, correcting, advising, counseling, guiding, they are becoming better fitted to labor in the church, and are multiplying agencies for the accomplishment of God’s work outside the home. The members of the family become members of the family above, and are a power for good, exerting a far-reaching influence. —GW 204, 205 (1915) PCL 297.2
Loving discipline of children—On the other hand, the minister who allows his children to grow up unruly and disobedient, will find that the influence of his labors in the pulpit is counteracted by the unlovely course of his children. He who cannot control the members of his own family, cannot properly minister to the church of God, or preserve it from strife and controversy. . . . PCL 297.3
There is danger of failing to give due attention to the little things of life. There should be no neglect on the part of the minister to speak kindly, encouraging words in the family circle. My ministering brother, do you, in the home circle, show rudeness, unkindness, impoliteness? If you do, no matter how high your profession, you are breaking the commandments. No matter how earnestly you may preach to others, if you fail to manifest the love of Christ in your home life, you are falling short of the standard set for you. Think not that the man who goes from the sacred desk to indulge in harsh, sarcastic remarks, or in jesting and joking, is a representative of Christ. The love of God is not in him. His heart is filled with self-love, self-importance, and he makes it manifest that he has not a true estimate of sacred things. Christ is not with him, and he does not go weighted with the solemn message of truth for this time. PCL 297.4
Ministers’ children are in some cases the most neglected children in the world, for the reason that the father is with them but little, and they are left to choose their own employment and amusement. If a minister has a family of boys, he should not leave them wholly to the care of the mother. This is too heavy a burden for her. He should make himself their companion and friend. He should exert himself to keep them from evil associates, and should see that they have useful work to do. It may be hard for the mother to exercise self-control. If the husband sees this, he should take more of the burden upon himself, doing all in his power to lead his boys to God.—GW 205, 206 (1915) PCL 298.1
Mission field for minister’s wife—Let the minister’s wife who has children remember that in her home she has a missionary field in which she should labor with untiring energy and unflagging zeal, knowing that the results of her work will endure throughout eternity. Are not the souls of her children of as much value as the souls of the heathen? Then let her tend them with loving care. She is charged with the responsibility of showing to the world the power and excellence of home religion. She is to be controlled by principle, not by impulse, and she is to work with the consciousness that God is her helper. She is to allow nothing to divert her from her mission. PCL 298.2
The influence of the mother who has a close connection with Christ is of infinite worth. Her ministry of love makes the home a Bethel. Christ works with her, turning the common water of life into the wine of heaven. Her children will grow up to be a blessing and an honor to her in this life and in the life to come. —GW 206 (1915) PCL 299.1
The minister at home and church—A man who has but a feeble sense of his responsibility as a father to encourage and enforce order, discipline, and obedience will fail as a minister and as a shepherd of the flock. The same lack which characterizes his management at home in his family will be seen in a more public capacity in the church of God. Wrongs will exist uncorrected because of the unpleasant results which attend reproof and earnest appeal. . . . PCL 299.2
Dear Brother P, the lessons which you have learned amid the distracting influences that have existed in Maine have been exceedingly injurious to your family. You have not been as circumspect in your conversation as God requires you to be. You have not dwelt upon the truth in your family, diligently teaching its principles and the commandments of God unto your children when you rise up and when you sit down, when you go out and when you come in. You have not appreciated your work as a father or as a minister. PCL 299.3
You have not zealously performed your duty to your children. You have not devoted sufficient time to family prayer, and you have not required the presence of the entire household. The meaning of “husband” is house band. All members of the family center in the father. He is the lawmaker, illustrating in his own manly bearing the sterner virtues, energy, integrity, honesty, patience, courage, diligence, and practical usefulness. The father is in one sense the priest of the household, laying upon the altar of God the morning and evening sacrifice. The wife and children should be encouraged to unite in this offering and also to engage in the song of praise. Morning and evening the father, as priest of the household, should confess to God the sins committed by himself and his children through the day. Those sins which have come to his knowledge, and also those which are secret, of which God’s eye alone has taken cognizance, should be confessed. This rule of action, zealously carried out by the father when he is present, or by the mother when he is absent, will result in blessings to the family. . . . PCL 299.4
You have failed in your family to appreciate the sacredness of the Sabbath and to teach it to your children and enjoin upon them the importance of keeping it according to the commandment. Your sensibilities are not clear and ready to discern the high standard that we must reach in order to be commandment keepers. But God will assist you in your efforts when you take hold of the work earnestly. You should possess perfect control over yourself; then you can have better success in controlling your children when they are unruly. There is a great work before you to repair past neglects; but you are not required to perform it in your own strength. Ministering angels will aid you in the work. Do not give up the work nor lay aside the burden, but take hold of it with a will and repair your long neglect. You must have higher views of God’s claims upon you in regard to His holy day. Everything that can possibly be done on the six days which God has given to you should be done. You should not rob God of one hour of holy time. Great blessings are promised to those who place a high estimate upon the Sabbath and realize the obligations resting upon them in regard to its observance.—2T 698, 701, 702 (1871) PCL 300.1
Influence of the Christian home—From every Christian home a holy light should shine forth. Love should be revealed in action. It should flow out in all home interactions, showing itself in thoughtful kindness, in gentle, unselfish courtesy. There are homes where this principle is carried out—homes where God is worshiped and truest love reigns. From these homes morning and evening prayer ascends to God as sweet incense, and His mercies and blessings descend upon the suppliants like the morning dew. PCL 301.1
A well-ordered Christian household is a powerful argument in favor of the reality of the Christian religion—an argument that the infidel cannot gainsay. All can see that there is an influence at work in the family that affects the children, and that the God of Abraham is with them. If the homes of professed Christians had a right religious mold, they would exert a mighty influence for good. They would indeed be the “light of the world.” The God of heaven speaks to every faithful parent in the words addressed to Abraham: “I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.”—PP 144 (1890) PCL 301.2