Great Grimsby, England
September 23, 1886
Dear Rolf:
While at Basel I had some conversations with Edith in regard to your attentions to her. I asked her if she were sure she loves you well enough to marry you. She answered that she wasn’t quite certain. I told her she should really know what she was doing, that she should give no encouragement to the attentions of any young man, showing him preference, unless she loved him. ... AC 76.4
I told her she should consider the goal of a marriage with you, whether by such a step you could both glorify God, whether you would be more spiritual, and whether your lives would be more useful. Marriages that are impulsive and selfishly planned generally do not result well, but often turn out miserable failures. AC 77.1
I had reason to think that she doesn’t enjoy household tasks, and I knew you should have a wife who could make your home happy. I asked her if she had any experience in household management. I asked her these questions because it had been presented to me that she needed special education in practical duties of life, but that she really had no interest in those things. AC 77.2
Now, Rolf, I cannot say that it is my business to say that you should not marry Edith, but I will say that I have an interest in you. Here are things that should be considered: Will the one you marry bring happiness to your home? Is Edith financially stable, or will she, if married, not only use up all her own earnings but all of yours to gratify vanity, a love of appearance? Are her principles correct on this subject? AC 77.3
I do not think Edith knows what self-denial is. If she had the opportunity she would find ways to spend even more money than she has done. With her, selfish spending has never been overcome, and this natural self-indulgence has become a part of her life. She desires an easy, fun time. AC 77.4
I must speak plainly. I know, Rolf, that should you marry her you would be mated but not matched. There would be something missing in the one you make your life partner. And as far as Christian devotion and spiritual life is concerned, that can never grow where so great selfishness possesses the soul. AC 77.5
I am writing to you, Rolf, just as I would write to my son. There is a great and important work lying just before us, and the part we will act in this world depends wholly upon our aims and purposes in life. We may be following impulse. You have the qualities in you to make you a useful man, but if you follow inclination, this strong current of stubbornness will sweep you away. Set a high goal and focus on reaching it. AC 77.6
Let your ruling purpose be to grow to a complete man in Christ Jesus. In Christ you can have courage to make a difference; without Christ you can do nothing as you should. You have a determination to achieve your goals. This is not an objectionable feature in your character if all your powers are surrendered to God. Please, think about this: you don’t have the freedom to be an impulsive lover. Christ has purchased you with a price that is infinite. You are His property, and in all your plans you must take this into your thinking. AC 78.1
Especially in your marriage planning, be careful to get a partner who will stand shoulder to shoulder with you in spiritual growth. AC 78.2
Rolf, I want you to consider all these things. God help you to pray over this matter. Angels are watching this struggle. I leave you with these things to consider and decide for yourself. AC 78.3
Ellen White84Ibid., 21, 22. AC 78.4
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(For additional reading on this subject, we recommend Messages to Young People, 20, Letters to Young Lovers, 10 and The Adventist Home, 15.)