Question 83: Does what other people think matter? (“Sexual Relations”)

I am currently having a strong debate with another Adventist who is living with his girlfriend and refuses to accept anything that I say to him about his actions being wrong. He says he is not having a sexual relationship with her, they live in separate rooms, and he doesn’t care that other people may think he is doing something wrong. His attitude is that he knows and God knows what the situation is, and everyone else with their “depraved” minds can think what they like about his situation because he is not violating anything in the Bible.101Q 183.1

Has Mrs. White written anything on this topic? I know he is a reader and reads many of her books, and if he reads it for himself, he won’t be able to make any more excuses.101Q 183.2

The Bible itself tells us, “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22, KJV). Jesus said, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16, KJV). I do not see that this arrangement contributes to the glory of God. Your friend may thumb his nose at the world, charging that those who challenge him have “depraved” minds, but the fact is that essentially everyone— Christian and non-Christian alike—will assume that they are having sexual relations. In my view, the damage to his reputation is not worth whatever benefit he may think is there. Further, by maintaining this arrangement, he is damaging his girlfriend’s reputation, for people will assume the same of her that they do of him. He should take godly initiative in this matter to bring it to an end for both their sakes—and especially so if he regards her as his girlfriend. He should be seeking to guard her reputation even more than his own.101Q 183.3

Here are a couple statements from Mrs. White that might apply.101Q 183.4

It is not enough for you to avoid the appearance of evil; you must go farther than this; you must “learn to do well.” You must represent Christ to the world. It must be your daily study how you can learn to work the works of God. His followers are to be living epistles, “known and read of all men” (Messages to Young People, 348). [What are people “reading” in the epistle of this man’s life now?]101Q 183.5

It is important that children and youth should be trained to guard their words and deeds; for their course of action causes sunshine or shadow, not only in their own home, but also with all with whom they come in contact. But before the youth can be careful and thoughtful and refrain from every appearance of evil, they must have that wisdom which comes from above, and the strength which Jesus alone can impart (Messages to Young People, 345).101Q 184.1