I wish to make some statements that I have not made before. I should have been glad to see you when on several occasions you asked to see me. But I was not strong enough to talk with you, and knowing my danger, I had to say, I cannot see him. I had been carrying such a heavy burden that I had not been able to sleep.17LtMs, Lt 19, 1902, par. 1

Before I decided to go to the Conference at Battle Creek, I spoke of the great burden resting on me for the Sanitarium here, saying that there was a work that must be done for the institution. There were things that I wished to say to you at that time, but I had not the strength to enable me to say them. I was sure that the Sanitarium was in need of help that it had not. Very little was being done to give the patients spiritual help. The work presented to me as needing to be done at the Sanitarium could not be done by those in charge without the help of some one of more experience in the things of God.17LtMs, Lt 19, 1902, par. 2

As soon as I came to this place, I spoke to you of the work that needed to be done in the Sanitarium, and I thought that my suggestions would be sufficient. But though I spoke decidedly, no change was made at the institution.17LtMs, Lt 19, 1902, par. 3

Then I wrote to Battle Creek, urging that Dr. Rand be sent here. Dr. Kellogg wrote in reply, “Please do not make any move that will bring about a crisis; for we have all on our hands that we can manage. When you come to Battle Creek, this matter shall receive consideration, and something will be done for the Sanitarium at St. Helena.”17LtMs, Lt 19, 1902, par. 4

Dr. Kellogg’s plea was so strong and his entreaties so urgent that I kept still. I knew that I was not able to take up the work without help. And I knew that while matters continued to be as they were, my labors would have no special influence.17LtMs, Lt 19, 1902, par. 5

I designed to speak of the reforms needed in the Sanitarium here while I was in Battle Creek. But after the Conference closed, I was completely exhausted, and up to the present time I have had no rest of mind. For many nights I have not been able to sleep past one and two o’clock, and several times I have wakened at eleven and twelve. Hour after hour I have walked the floor, praying for strength and guidance. Night after night this has been repeated. It was the condition of things at the Sanitarium that caused me such suffering of mind.17LtMs, Lt 19, 1902, par. 6

For some time after returning from the General Conference, I could not endure any mention of the difficulties at the Sanitarium. The pain in my head was severe, and I could not attend private or public meetings.17LtMs, Lt 19, 1902, par. 7

Just before I left St. Helena for the Los Angeles camp-meeting, when Brother Jones was here from Oakland, a meeting of the Medical Board was held at the Sanitarium. I offered to attend; for I had a message to bear. You will remember what I said at that meeting in regard to the condition of things at the Sanitarium. I spoke very plainly, saying that the nurses were not receiving in their education the instruction they needed in their work. I had been shown that Dr. Sanderson and his wife were not exerting the influence that should be exerted in the Sanitarium, and that, until they were changed spiritually, they could not exert this influence. I had been shown that Sister Sanderson is not a Christian, that she understands the theory of truth, but has not surrendered her will to God’s will. In her state of unfitness, she must not be given a position in the Sanitarium; for she would stand directly opposed to essential reforms.17LtMs, Lt 19, 1902, par. 8

I was instructed by the Lord to speak the words I spoke at that meeting. You presented your resignation.17LtMs, Lt 19, 1902, par. 9

When I took the train to Los Angeles, to attend the camp-meeting, I was pressed down as a cart beneath sheaves, so heavy was the burden resting on me. But at this time the Lord gave me a wonderful manifestation of His care. He hid me in the pavilion of His protection, and my peace was as a river. I was at rest, knowing that the everlasting arms were underneath me. I seemed to hear the words, “Lo, I am with you alway.” [Matthew 28:20.]17LtMs, Lt 19, 1902, par. 10

While at Los Angeles, I was given some things to write in regard to the Sanitarium. But I dared not say anything. I thought it might be that I would die, and leave these things unsaid, before another physician was placed in charge of the Sanitarium. And I thought that perhaps this would be better.17LtMs, Lt 19, 1902, par. 11

I wrote out some things in regard to the mind-cure theories that had been presented to the nurses. But I could not get this matter copied; for the time of my copyist was occupied in writing out matters for the meeting that we were attending. But before we returned from Los Angeles, I placed the matter in Maggie’s hands,to be copied and sent to you.17LtMs, Lt 19, 1902, par. 12

My dear brother, the Lord will use you when you will accept His Word and follow the pattern He has given. I greatly desire that you shall reach the higher life. It is your privilege and duty to be a vessel unto honor, but the vessel needs to be thoroughly cleansed from all defilement. It has been shown me that at present you are as a man walking in his sleep. You have heard much truth, and at times your spirit has been stirred, but you have never been aroused to see that you need to fall on the Rock, and be broken.17LtMs, Lt 19, 1902, par. 13

Lt 18, 1902

Lt 20, 1902