Love Is a Principle
Love is a precious gift that we receive from Jesus. Pure and holy affection is not a feeling but a principle. Those who are actuated by true love are neither unreasonable nor blind. Taught by the Holy Spirit, they love God supremely and their neighbor as themselves.MHH 202.5
Let those who are contemplating marriage weigh every sentiment and watch every development of character in the one with whom they think to unite their life destiny. Let every step toward a marriage alliance be characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and an earnest purpose to please and honor God. Marriage affects the life of the couple both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will make no plans that God cannot approve.MHH 202.6
If you are blessed with God-fearing parents, seek counsel of them. Open to them your hopes and plans, learn the lessons that their life experiences have taught, and you will be saved many a heartache. Above all, make Christ your counselor. Study His Word with prayer.MHH 202.7
Under such guidance let a young woman accept as a life companion only one who possesses pure, manly traits of character, one who is diligent, aspiring, and honest, one who loves and fears God. Let a young man seek one to stand by his side who is fitted to bear her share of life’s burdens, one whose influence will ennoble and refine him, and who will make him happy in her love.MHH 202.8
“A prudent wife is from the Lord.” “The heart of her husband safely trusts her. ... She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her,” saying, “‘Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.’” “He who finds [such] a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 19:14; 31:11, 12, 26-29; 18:22.MHH 203.1
However carefully and wisely marriage may have been entered into, few couples are completely united when the marriage ceremony is performed. The real union of the two in wedlock is the work of the years that follow.MHH 203.2
As life with its burden of perplexity and care meets the newly wedded pair, the romance with which imagination so often invests marriage disappears. Husband and wife learn each other’s character as it was impossible to learn it in their previous association. This is a most critical period in their experience. Their happiness and usefulness in future years depend upon their taking a right course now. Often they discern in each other unsuspected weaknesses and defects, but the hearts that love has united will also discern excellencies unseen before. Let all seek to discover the excellencies rather than the defects.MHH 203.3
Often it is our own attitude, the atmosphere that surrounds ourselves, that determines what will be revealed to us in another. There are many who regard the expression of love as a weakness, and they maintain a reserve that repels others. This spirit checks the current of sympathy. As the social and generous impulses are repressed, they wither, and the heart becomes desolate and cold. We should beware of this error. Love cannot long exist without expression. Let not the heart of one connected with you starve for the want of kindness and sympathy.MHH 203.4
Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of the other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be, as it were, the very beginning of love. The warmth of true friendship, the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of the joys of heaven.MHH 203.5
Around every family there is a sacred circle that should be kept unbroken. Within this circle no other person has a right to come. Let not the husband or the wife permit another to share the confidences that belong solely to themselves.MHH 203.6
Let each give love rather than exact it. Cultivate that which is noblest in yourselves, and be quick to recognize the good qualities in the other. The consciousness of being appreciated is a wonderful stimulus and satisfaction. Sympathy and respect encourage one to strive toward excellence, and love itself increases as it stimulates to nobler aims.MHH 204.1
Neither the husband nor the wife should merge his or her individuality in that of the other. Each has a personal relation to God. Of Him each is to ask, “What is right?” “What is wrong?” “How may I best fulfill life’s purpose?” Let the wealth of your affection flow forth to Him who gave His life for you. Make Christ first and last and best in everything. As your love for Him becomes deeper and stronger, your love for each other will be purified and strengthened.MHH 204.2
The spirit that Christ manifests toward us is the spirit that husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. “As Christ also has loved us,” “walk in love.” “As the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.” Ephesians 5:2, 24, 25.MHH 204.3
Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to exercise arbitrary control over the other. Do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this and retain each other’s love. Be kind, patient, and forbearing, considerate, and courteous. By the grace of God you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage vow you promised to do.MHH 204.4