Epistle Number Four

Dear Sr. ——: I have been shown that there has been a fault in your religious life. You have possessed too much of a combative spirit. While it has been your privilege to think and act for yourself, you have carried the matter too far. You have had more independence than humility. You have pursued a course to irritate rather than to pacify. It has been necessary for you to possess firmness in order to stand in defense of the truth; yet you have frequently erred in not possessing that meek and quiet spirit which God estimates of great price. In your family, you have met with opposition and a manifest disrelish of the truth, and you have failed to meet the trials you have received in the best manner. You have talked too much and been to positive. You have had too little love, and affection, and tenderness, mingled with your efforts in your family, especially towards your husband. You are in danger of carrying points to extremes, over-doing the matter, and hurting instead of healing. It is your best course to yield your judgment, even if you think you are right, where you can and not sacrifice the principles of truth. You have a responsibility, an identity which cannot be submerged in your husband. Yet there is a oneness, a bond which makes you one, and in many things, if you were more yielding, it would be far better for your husband, your children, and yourself. You are too exacting. You do not seek to win those who differ with you. You are quick to discern when you have the advantage, and you make the most of it. If you possessed more forbearance, mingled with sweet love, and for Christ's sake should pass over many things, without taking them up, and pressing them home, creating uncomfortable feelings, the influence would be better and more saving. You need love, love, love, tender pity and affection.T18 121.1

You see the truth, and then you mark out how this one and that one should practice the truth; and if they fail to come up to the mark you think they should, you feel to draw off from them. You cannot fellowship them, and love dies out of your heart for them, when in reality, they are just as near right as you are. You make yourself enemies when you might have friends. When you see points of truth, you are ardent and positive in your temperament, and you carry matters to extremes. You repulse, instead of winning and binding souls to your soul. You look upon the objectionable features in the character of those you associate with, and dwell upon their seeming inconsistencies and wrongs, overlooking their redeeming traits. I was referred to this scripture, “Finally, brethren, Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Here, dear sister, you may meditate and speculate with profit. Dwell upon the good qualities of those with whom you associate, and see as little as possible of their errors and failings. You possess too much a spirit of war, and throw things into confusion and strife. You must change your life and character, if you ever come under the head of “blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.” Let nothing but kind, loving words fall from your lips toward the members of your family, and toward the church.T18 122.1

You need to open your heart to love, that love which dwelt in the bosom of Jesus. Should your Saviour deal with you as you would deal with those with whom you differ, you would certainly be in a distressed condition. Your case would be nearly hopeless. But I thank the Lord we have a merciful High Priest who can be touched with the feeling of our infirmities. You have been tried with others, and have pursued a course toward them that Heaven does not approve. You have a work to do to let the softening influence of the grace of God into your heart, and seek meekness, seek righteousness.T18 123.1

You are zealous for the truth. You love it, and wish to invest something in it. This is all right, but be careful in your giving precepts to others that you have it backed up with example. You must seek for peace. You can do this and not sacrifice one principle of truth. You have stormed and fought your way through, and now you need to soften your influence, to sweeten, to soothe, instead of stirring up opposition. You have been self-exalted, possessed a large share of self-confidence and self-esteem. Now you want to exalt Jesus, and imitate his harmless life. Peace, peace followed him everywhere.T18 124.1

You, my sister, will prove a trial to God's people unless you are willing to learn, willing to be counseled. You must not continue to feel that you know it all. You have much yet to learn before you can be perfect before God.T18 124.2

The sweetest and best lesson will be first in humility. “Learn of me,” says the humble Nazarene, “for I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” This lesson of meekness, forbearance, patience, and love, you have yet to learn and practice. You can be a blessing. You can help such as need help; but you must lay down your measuring tape, for that is not your business. One who is unerring in judgment, who understands the weakness of our fallen, corrupt natures, holds the standard himself. He weighs in the balances of the sanctuary, and his just measure we shall all accept.T18 124.3

You need to cultivate more gentleness and deference toward your husband. You err in your course toward him. You are exacting, carry matters to extremes, and do harm to your own soul, and to the truth. You make the truth repulsive. It causes souls to be afraid of it. If love and affection soften your words, and give tone to your actions, you will find a change in those you associate with. There will be peace, harmony, and union, instead of strife, jealousy, and discord. Especially in your family you should let love and tenderness be exercised, and you will receive a blessing.T18 125.1

E. G. W.