II. His Subsequent Quest for God

Despite his playful mimicry of the devotional mannerisms and the very tones, words, and gestures of the preachers-and all done with the utmost gravity-Miller sought to be good and to do good, and gave liberally for the support of Christian objectives. He was honest, truthful, and clean. Even in the days of his greatest devotion to Deism he always desired something better. Despite his difficulties he could not rationally abandon his belief in the existence of God. At the outset of this conflict of soul, in 1803 he had expressed his outcry after God in a touching strain. It was in a bit of verse entitled “Religion“:PFF4 457.3

“Come, blest Religion, with thy angel’s face,
Dispel this gloom, and brighten all the place;
Drive this destructive passion from my breast;
Compose my sorrows, and restore my rest;
Show me the path that Christian heroes trod,
Wean me from earth, and raise my soul to God!” ^{3Bliss, Memoirs, p. 27.}PFF4 458.1

He had been constable and justice of the peace, and from 1809 to 1811 served as sheriff. He was thus brought face to face with the baser side of human nature, and became distrustful of all men. Only one “star of hope” seemed to remain in his sky of life-patriotism and love of country. He hoped that in a patriotic military life he might see in man an inviting exhibition of better human nature. Even at this time Miller’s desire for character was greater than his desire for money or fame. He fondly hoped that the ideal in human character would be revealed in patriotic service, so he joined the Army.PFF4 458.2

From 1812 to 1814 he was a captain of infantry. A document signed by forty-seven men, voluntarily pledging enlistment, asked for Miller to be their captain, and he was so commissioned by Governor Galusha, of Vermont. Such was his standing in the community. He was enthusiastically on the victors’ side at the battle of Plattsburg. But two years of Army life was enough. He was, by now, definitely disillusioned about his deistic principles, and had become thoroughly disgusted with the sinful character of men. So he came to doubt his Deism. He was particularly horrified by its doctrine of total annihilation for all at death. At this juncture he was honorably discharged from the Army, and returned to private life in rather comfortable circumstances.PFF4 458.3

When he was thirty-four, in 1816-after thirteen years of residence in Poultney-he returned to Hampton, following his father’s death, to resume the occupation of farming and to care for his widowed mother. He secured a nearby two-hundred-acre farm, and built a comfortable two-story house by a maple grove. He now had the time to study and reflect for which he had longed. And study he did, intensively and extensively. He believed in God and providence, but not yet in revelation. One day he detected himself taking God’s name in vain in an oath, and was convicted of its wrong. Then he began to ponder on how a just Being could consistently save the violators of law and justice. Neither nature nor providence revealed an answer. Only the Bible professed to be a revelation from God, and to offer a solution. But how could he know it to be true? How could he be sure of revealed truth? To use his own words:PFF4 458.4

“The heavens were as brass over my head, and the earth as iron under my feet. Eternity!—what was it And death—why was it? The more I reasoned, the further I was from demonstration. The more I thought, the more scattered were my conclusions. I tried to stop thinking, but my thoughts would not be controlled. I was truly wretched, but did not understand the cause. I murmured and complained, but knew not of whom. I knew that there was a wrong, but knew not how or where to find the right. I mourned, but without hope.” ^{4Ibid., p. 65.}PFF4 459.1

His uncle, Elisha Miller, was the Baptist minister at Hampton. Though not a church member, William became a regular and respectful attendant—except when the preacher was away. The proximity of his home to the little brick church-only a quarter of a mile down the road-and his inherent hospitality, made his home a sort of headquarters for preachers passing through. He was fond of bantering them on their doctrinal differences, and put pointed questions to them on the seeming difficulties in the Bible, often to their discomfort. But he was always respectful. He excused his own absences from church, when the preacher was away, by stating that he was not edified by the faulty way in which the sermon was read by the substitute. And he intimated that if he could read at such times, he would attend. The officers responded wisely by inviting Miller to read, they to select the sermon. To this he agreed. And that was the beginning of his public religious life. Yet all the while he was groping for light, and rest of soul.PFF4 459.2

Picture 1: YEARS OF INTENSIVE STUDY LEAD TO STARTLING CONCLUSIONS
After his conversion in 1816, William Miller spent six years in intensive and comprehensive study of the prophecies at his home in low hampton, New York. Then began a remarkable impress, through Voice and Pen, upon the thinking of his own and succeeding generations. (below) Miller’s comfortable residence, scene of the call to tell publicly of his faith in the second coming of christ in the neighboring dresden baptist church
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During this time a sermon by a visiting clergyman made a sobering impression on Miller. Then, the very next Sunday, in the absence of the pastor, Miller was asked to read the selected sermon from Proud fit’s Practical Sermons, this time on Isaiah 53. In the midst of the presentation he was overwhelmed by the sense of God’s goodness and His loving provision for lost sinners. The redemptive character of the Saviour as an atonement for sin was vividly impressed upon him. He could not go on. Overpowered with emotion he sat down weeping, having the deep sympathy of the congregation, who sensed what was happening and were weeping with him. He was soundly converted, and accepted Christ as his personal Saviour. His mind was now satisfied, and his heart found rest. He at once erected the family altar and publicly professed the Christian faith, joining the Hampton Baptist church and becoming one of its stanch pillars.PFF4 461.1

This right about-face was, of course, much to the chagrin of his former deist friends who began to assail his new faith and allegiance. He became the butt of sharp ridicule and the subject of their mirth. But all this proved a blessing in disguise. He came to know their mode of attack and their processes of thought, as well as their arguments. This doubtless accounts for his later skill in successfully handling deists. He had considered every conceivable objection, more than his opponents were able to muster, and was unable to find one really valid objection to the Christian faith. Thus it was that his faith was established.PFF4 461.2