Self-control and Discipline

Those who desire to control others must first control themselves. To deal passionately with a child or youth will only arouse resentment. When parents or teachers become impatient and are in danger of speaking unwisely, let them remain silent. There is wonderful power in silence.TEd 182.7

Teachers must expect to meet perverse dispositions and hard, unrepenting hearts, but in dealing with them should never forget that they themselves were once children in need of discipline. Even now, with all their advantages of age, education, and experience, they often err and are in need of mercy and forbearance. In training the young they should consider that they are dealing with those who have inclinations to evil similar to their own. Youth have almost everything to learn, and it is much more difficult for some to learn than for others. With students of this kind teachers should bear patiently, not censuring their ignorance but improving every opportunity to give them encouragement. With sensitive, nervous students they should deal very tenderly. A sense of their own imperfections should lead them constantly to manifest sympathy and forbearance toward those who also are struggling with difficulties.TEd 182.8

The Savior’s rule, “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31, NRSV), should be the rule of all who undertake the training of children and youth. They are the younger members of the Lord’s family, heirs with us of the grace of life. Christ’s rule should be sacredly observed toward the slowest of comprehension, the youngest, the most blundering, and even toward the erring and rebellious.TEd 183.1

This rule will lead teachers to avoid, so far as possible, making public the faults or errors of students. They will seek to avoid giving reproof or punishment in the presence of others. They will not expel students until every effort has been put forth for their reformation. But when it becomes evident that a student is receiving no personal benefit, that defiance or disregard of authority is tending to overthrow the government of the school, and that his or her influence is contaminating others, then expulsion becomes a necessity. Yet with many the disgrace of public expulsion would lead to utter recklessness and ruin. In most cases when removal is unavoidable, the matter need not be made public. By counsel and cooperation with the parents, let the teacher privately arrange for the student’s withdrawal.TEd 183.2

In this time of special danger for the young, temptations surround them on every hand. Every school should be a “city of refuge,” a place where tempted youth, may be dealt with patiently and wisely. Teachers who understand their responsibilities will separate from their own hearts and lives everything that would prevent them from dealing successfully with the willful and disobedient. Love and tenderness, patience and self-control, will at all times be the law of their speech. Mercy and compassion will be blended with justice. When it is necessary to give reproof, their language will not be exaggerated, but humble. In gentleness they will set before wrongdoers their errors and help them to recover. Every true teacher will feel that it is better to err on the side of mercy than on the side of severity.TEd 183.3

Many youth who are thought incorrigible are not so hard of heart as they appear. Many who are regarded as hopeless may be reclaimed by wise discipline. Often these are the ones who most readily melt under kindness. If teachers gain the confidence of tempted ones and recognize and develop the good in their characters, they can, in many cases, correct the evil without calling attention to it.TEd 184.1

The divine Teacher bears with the erring through all their perversity. His love does not grow cold, His efforts to win them do not cease. With outstretched arms He waits to welcome again and again the erring, the rebellious, and even the apostate. His heart is touched with the helplessness of the little child subject to rough usage. The cry of human suffering never reaches His ear in vain. Though all are precious in His sight, the rough, sullen, stubborn dispositions draw most heavily on His sympathy and love, for He traces from cause to effect. The one who is most easily tempted, and is most inclined to err, is the special object of His solicitude.TEd 184.2

Parents and teachers should cherish the attributes of Him who makes the cause of the afflicted, the suffering, and the tempted His own. They should have “compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray,” since they also are “subject to weakness.” Hebrews 5:2. Jesus treats us far better than we deserve, and as He has treated us, so we are to treat others. The course of no parent or teacher is justifiable if it is different from that which the Savior would pursue under similar circumstances.TEd 184.3