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    Chapter VII

    James White was a publisher and administrator, a man of deep convictions, strong will, and forceful personality. There were characteristics and traits, together with the conviction of a strong call of each to his own work, that could have laid the foundation for friction and conflict between husband and wife. But both were determined that this should not be. For thirty-five years, they worked closely and harmoniously, and they shared a very tender relationship. Evidence of this crops out spontaneously in correspondence between them.EGWP 9.2

    In early October 1860, just three weeks after the birth of their fourth child (a boy who remained unnamed for a month or two), and, in spite of the fact that his wife was suffering from malaria, James left to meet appointments at conferences to be held in the Midwest. Three days after his departure Ellen wrote: “You may be assured I miss your little visits in my room, but the thought you are doing the will of God, helps me to bear the loss of your company.” 1Letter 10, 1860. A few days later she reported her steps toward recovery, announced the weight of “nameless one,” as eleven pounds and three-quarters, and then (after expressing gratitude that she could again take her place in the family), she wrote, “but your place at the dining room table is vacant.” 2Letter 12a, 1860.EGWP 9.3

    On November 19 she wrote: “Dear Husband, the time of your absence is nearly ended. One week more brings you home. We shall all be rejoiced to see you home again.” The letter reports that the “babe is fat and healthy, weighed last Thursday 15 pounds. He promises to be a very rugged boy.” Then the nursing mother added, “I’ll tell you one thing, he is so hearty it will cost you quite a bill to keep me and him.... My appetite is good. Food sets well.” 3Letter 14, 1860.EGWP 9.4

    Near the close of his life the husband could write, “Marriage marks an important era in the lives of men. ‘Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord,’ is the language of wisdom. Proverbs 18:22.... We were married August 30, 1846, and from that hour unto the present she has been my crown of rejoicing.” 4Life Sketches. Ancestry, Early Life, Christian Experience and Extensive Labors of Elder James White, and His Wife, Mrs. Ellen G. White (Battle Creek, Michigan: Steam Press of the Seventh-day Adventist Association 1880), pp. 125-126.EGWP 9.5

    A few weeks after his death, as Ellen White sought a little rest and retirement in a cabin they held as a retreat in the Rocky Mountains, she commented in a letter to her son William: “I miss father more and more. Especially do I feel his loss while here in the mountains. I find it a very different thing being in the mountains with my husband and in the mountains without him. I am fully of the opinion that my life was so entwined or interwoven with my husband’s that it is about impossible for me to be of any great account without him.” 5Letter 17, 1881.EGWP 9.6

    Her understanding of the proper relationship between husband and wife stands out in a letter written to a friend in her early married life: “We women must remember that God has placed us subject to the husband. He is the head and our judgment and views and reasonings must agree with his if possible. If not, the preference in God’s Word is given to the husband where it is not a matter of conscience. We must yield to the head.” 6Letter 5, 1861. She would not stand in the pulpit to speak at the Sabbath morning worship service if James White was present. He would take the Sabbath morning service, and she would speak in the afternoon. Only when he was stricken with paralysis in 1865 and for some time could not take his place in public work did she depart from this procedure.EGWP 9.7

    It might be easily assumed that in this very tender and close relationship the strong will and firm opinions of James might have influenced Ellen in her writing. But this was not so. They both took great pains to see that her work was not influenced by him. For a short time in the late 1870s when she sensed a threat in this respect, she chose to work for a time in California while her husband carried responsibilities at Battle Creek. She wrote to him:EGWP 9.8

    Although I miss you very, very much, and love you, yet I feel at present I belong to God to wait for and do His will. I tell you freely it is a great sacrifice to my feelings to have you separated from me as you are, and yet it seems to be that it is as God would have it, and I must be reconciled. It has been hard, so hard.

    I wept and prayed and pondered and wept again, and the steady conviction forces itself upon me that it is right as it is. God’s work is great. It demands our first attention. Separated as we are, we shall not be influenced by each other but we shall look to God separately and do our work in His fear and to His glory. 7Letter 32, 1878.

    And looking back two decades after her husband’s death, she wrote on this question of the possibility of her being influenced and of how she must stand alone:EGWP 10.1

    I have not given anyone man or woman any right to have the least control over my work the Lord has given me to do. Since twenty-one years ago, when I was deprived of my husband by death, I have not had the slightest idea of ever marrying again. Why? Not because God forbade it. No. But to stand alone was the best for me, that no one should suffer with me in carrying forward my work entrusted to me of God. And no one should have a right to influence me in any way in reference to my responsibility and my work in bearing my testimony of encouragement and reproof.

    My husband never stood in my way to do this, although I had help and encouragement from him and oft his pity. His sympathy and prayers and tears I have missed so much, so very much. No one can understand this as myself, but my work has to be done. No human power should give the least supposition that I would be influenced in the work God has given me to do in bearing my testimony to those for whom He has given me reproof or encouragement.

    I have been alone in this matter, severely alone with all the difficulties and all the trials connected with the work. God alone could help me. The last work that is to be done by me in this world will soon be finished. I must express myself plainly, in a manner, if possible, not to be misunderstood. I have not one person in the world who shall put any message in my mind, or lay one duty upon me 8Manuscript 227, 1902.

    But the aloneness which she felt so severely never led her to be aloof or to be withdrawn. She engaged in the normal activities of the church, the home, and the community. She took particular pains to speak to children whenever she might meet them.EGWP 10.2

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